so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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