Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
