The maid of honor just puked.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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