And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
