I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
