My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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