I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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