wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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