And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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