Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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