I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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