did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
