Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He keeps bees of course he's weird
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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