I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize