i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
