physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
