what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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