I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
