So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize