Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
