I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
