Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
