I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
