wanna go halves on a baby?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
