i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize