is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
