It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
