That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
