When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
