i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize