Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
