I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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