I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My feet surprised me
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