i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My cat gives me a boner
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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