ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
