A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
