yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
