Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
