dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
