I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
