youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Acid is not a monday night drug
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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