his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
