I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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