Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
