she looked like the before picture.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
