I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize