i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
