wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
