all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
