I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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