i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
