Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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