hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
