There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
