my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
whose parrot is this?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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