You smell like a Billy Joel song
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
