Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
