I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
