This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
