lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
