I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
