Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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