Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
