once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
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