The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
