I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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