yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
